Ballad of the Over-Involved Rotarian
by Dan Ryan
Waldo-Brookside Rotary Club
I’m here tonight to tell a tale
Of a Rotarian I knew
He volunteered on a grand scale
He was famed for his followthrough
He was recruited to committees
When asked, the guy could not say no.
So people asked him without pity
If they called a meeting he’d go.
Soon his helpfulness was assumed
He barely handled all his meetings.
He showed up in person or Zoomed
While his leisure time took a beating
Eventually he grew weary
His lovely wife asked him to stop
He could say no only in theory
She said he’d work until he dropped.
That’s it, he said, with a broad smile
Why don’t I fake my own death?
I could stay at home for a while
I could relax and catch my breath.
That’s crazy, his wife pointed out
Your friends won’t fall for such a fake
But he didn’t have any doubt.
He would go live down at the lake.
With teary eyes he asked for aid
She told him it just wouldn’t fly
But desperation he conveyed
She agreed to give it a try.
Later that evening rang the phone
And she answered it with false gloom
She explained she now lived alone
Even though he was in the room.
The word of his death spread wide quickly
Because meetings he stopped attending
Some people claimed he had looked sickly
But all were sad about his ending
Soon the club gave his wife a call
They invited her and a guest
To laud her husband over all
For supporting the four-way test.
“Is it the truth?”, she asked him wryly,
He agreed that it was ironic
He valued the test very highly
But he felt much less than iconic.
Still he decided to attend
While wearing a careful disguise
His wife would claim he was a friend
Though they both knew it wasn’t wise.
On the day of the ceremony
He showed up with his doubtful spouse
No one noticed his beard was phony
Until it fell down on her blouse.
Confusion would be understating
If describing the scene at hand
But although there was some berating,
The leaders all could understand.
Our hero is back in the fold
These days as is his patient wife
At his return he was enrolled
As the Chair of Awards for life.
